last chance.

sooo tired.
want sleep.
cant.
the happy people together will destroy me.
salad.
eyes burn.
hard to keep my head up.
i dont even care anymore, so can we just drop the whole "your ex girlfriend" thing?

hehe..HAHAHAHAHAHA!

eh. want to die.
TODAY WAS FANTASTIC.
guitar.
lack of sleep.
tummy acid.
fire.
basketballs on fire.
basketballs EXPLODING.
my log is bigger than your log.
this log is on fire.
i can log you better.
get my log out of you.


mia and em.

the only rings i want want buried with me are the ones around my eyes.

sorry.
i really am.
i screwed up so bad, i cant expect you to still want to be around me.
so i understand if you want a break or something,
because remember how we used to talk about how much you hate my parents and why?
well that's me now.
i crossed the line.
did you know that kids whose parents smoke are more likely to smoke when they're older?
its the same with other things.
i know its not okay.
i shouldn't do it.
i tried to stop the thoughts in my head.
it's really hard.
if you knew half the stuff that goes on in there...
you'd kill me.
i dont want this.
im gonna regret saying this, but maybe it's better if you're not around me.
it'd be better for you, i mean.
it'll kill me,
but i'll be happy im not hurting you.
which i've been doing a lot of recently.

when you protect someone, you eliminate anything that could cause them harm.
that's what i'm trying to do.
even though you "dont need protecting"
which is true in most cases.
anyway, rambling is boring to read.

xx i will always love you.

The Greatest Space Adventure

Psych class will kill me. It will.
Kay. Asking for your (aka no one) advice:
There's a beautiful person you know.
They are amazing.
They think you're fair awesome and hot, but you know they dont like you like that right now.
They actually suit you; They have a similar personality to you.
You want them a little.

What do you do.
Oh, I know.


You give up cos you suck.

I is happy.

omg crap.

shortest post ever.
i love Pete, for those who remember me talking about him. not petey-o Wentz

Blue are the feelings, that live inside me.

If I had blue eyes...
- I could have you.
- People could believe me when I say my hair is naturally light (not that it bothers me too much).
- I could look more like Patrick, even though his eyes are green.
- I could maybe hypnotize pretty people with them.
- I could amaze you.
- I could mix in with his crowd.
- I could be adored.
- Now this is true, people with green eyes are naturally more attracted to people with blue eyes. And I'm not saying that if you have green eyes you MUST be attracted to someone whose eyes are blue, it's just more likely.
- I could wear more interesting clothes.
- The sea could match my eyes. As could the sky.
- I could be beautiful.
- My eyes could match the cover of Take This To Your Grave.
- I could look a little like Andy ( I think his eyes are blue anyway).
- I could wear my Superman top more often.
- I could look good with black hair.
- I could look good with you.

The things I could do with blue eyes.

in this chronicle of wasted time.

QUESTION:
Not that anyone cares, or will be able to come up with an answer, can anyone recommend a good book or poem or even Shakespeare sonnet?

It's just that I'm really bored and I figure if normal people can read, then why not me?
Not much really happening. Having a real shit time at school. I dunno, just shit. I cant work, I cant get sleep, it's just really weird. I'm not any more down than usual... I'm just dead.
And for some reason, YouTube decided it would be great to put everything upside down. Probably April Fools Day thing. I really hate this day. Can't we all just not celebrate April Fools, because not only is it fucking annoying, but it makes everyone edgy about everything as well. Like this morning, Zoe's like "CRAP, I FORGOT MY LUNCH, WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO MY HOUSE." And I was just waiting for us to walk all the way back to her house, only to have her go "APRIL FOOLS! YOU'RE A DOUCHE!"

Which wouldn't have been fun at all. Lots of little tiny disagreements with me and Zoe today. Eh, just bad times for both of us, I guess.

xx

let my love.

here is my verse novel, as requested by Caz:

Anger, Friends and Losing The Ones You Love.

By Molly Tostevin 9B

I’d Never Change A Thing.

“Hello?”

“Hey Eve, it’s Pete.”

“Hey, how are you?”

“I’m good, yeah.”

“Awesome. Cayleigh’s over, she says hi.”

“Yeah, hi Cayleigh. Hey, are you guys up for coming over?”

“Right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, we’ll just walk over.”

“Umm… it’s pretty dark…”

“We’ll be fine.”

“Fantastic. I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye.”

“Bye Eve.”

We’re All In The Back Singing Roxanne.

“WHAT’S THIS? WHAT’S THIS? THE SIGHTS, THE SOUNDS, THEY’RE EVERYWHERE AND ALL AROUND. WHAT, IS, THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS?”

Pete, Cayleigh and I are singing along to songs from Nightmare Before Christmas.

We’re eating chips and melted chocolate (yes, mixed together).

We’re drinking Home Brand lemonade, while attempting to light a fondue bowl of Lynx on fire.

We’re at Pete’s house, because he called us at 11pm (about 3 hours ago) and told us he was bored.

So now, we’re sinking into Pete’s couch and screaming “THIS IS HALLOWEEN!”

-That was back when we didn’t worry.

The Way Things Are.

So life, yeah?

Life isn’t bad.

Not good either, but not bad.

The way I see it, it’s just one massive routine:

Wake up, go to school, do work, see friends, more work, go home, more work, and go to bed.

That’s it. No more.

Sometimes you break routine,

And go out after school with your friends; go to a concert or something,

But even breaking the routine is just part of the routine.

So there’s no escape. At all. Ever.
And if you could, even the escape would become some sort of routine.

And that’s being optimistic, thinking of escape.

“Hey Eve….”

And my train of thought is interrupted by someone calling my name.

The Thunder.

It splits, it burns, but it has to be done.

It’s not like it doesn’t hurt like this without it.

“Sitting outdances on the wall…”

Music fights its way into my ears.

“I’m gonna leave you”

I should.
”I wanna scream “I love you” from the top of my lungs..”

I shouldn’t.

But I do.

Choose Love Or Sympathy… But Never Both.

I saw it.

I saw it happen.

Two lives entwining.

Two lives, neither of them mine.

You knew. You knew and you did this anyway.

Considering, I would too.

Don’t try to stop, you’re in too deep.

The thought of it makes me shudder.

A boy and a girl, genuinely happy,

And neither of them is me.

Why So Serious?

“Would I look good with half my face completely burned off?”

“…What a stupid question. But yes…”

Josh and I were discussing Batman.

I wish I was Two Face.

It’s so fitting of the way I am,

I wouldn’t cover it up.

So it’s decided. I will douse half my face in kerosene…

In my dreams.

One Awkward Silence

“I don’t want you to have to deal with this.”

“It’s okay… it’s not like you stabbed me in the back or anything… really it’s okay.”

“No, that’s the thing. THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I’M DOING.”

“You couldn’t control this even if you wanted to. It’s not your fault.”

“It is. You’re going out with him. I shouldn’t feel like this.”

“It’s okay to like him.”

“Not to me, it isn’t.”

And I walk away from Cayleigh, my best friend, feeling like a true villain.

Do They Remember That?

Sitting at home.

“A simple contradiction, could shake my whole foundation… Parker Lewis can’t lose…”

Music, of course.

My room:

Guitars, cds, books, bed, DVD’s and I.

My room.

So now I’m thinking of lyrics:

Guitars (My smile’s an open wound without you)

Cds (Get, get addicted to this)

Books (I left my conscience pressed between the pages)

Bed (But me, I’m just the covers)

DVDs (In the movie of my life, starring you, instead of me)

And then the picture of Cayleigh, Pete and I, the way we used to be (Good god, I wish I was tall… take aim at myself)

I want that back.

Cayleigh- Where Is Your Boy?

Wow.

Pete.

I think he really likes me (of course he does)

I can remember when it happened.

My iPod was shouting.

“Her bone structure screams “Touch her, touch her””

Exactly how he should’ve felt.

I could really love him.

But I won’t.

He’s just what’s happening until I find someone I can love.

And Eve, she’s just jealous.

Pete- Pretty In Punk.

So, Eve’s pretty angry.

Wouldn’t have a clue as to why.

I think her and Cayleigh are fighting or something… (Cayleigh…☺♥)

I remember when Eve and I were younger.

I mean, when we were about 4.

We didn’t have to worry about any of this.

And Cayleigh…

I’m so happy.

Dear Gravity.

It’s over.

They’re both upset, but not me.

It’s selfish, yes, I know.

But I don’t care.

It’s over.

“They’re” over.

It’s stupid, yes, I know.

But it doesn’t matter.

It’s over.

About time.

It’s compassionless, yes, I know.

But so am I.

Am I Walking In A Straight Line? Am I? AM I??!?!?

“No, Pete. But at least you can catch.”

We were doing tests outside for P.E with beer vision goggles.

Pete started running down the crack in the pavement, arms flailing and all.

“Oy, give me a go…”

He handed me the goggles.

“So are you and Cayleigh okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, we’re fine. It’s a little awkward and all, but we’re still friends”

“It’ll be fine. But… have you got anyone else in mind?”

“No. Hey, do we need to write the test results down?”

“Yeah”

He’ll hate me, more than he’ll notice I wrote this for him

(for hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim, so.)

Damn lyrics.

Mark and I Might Look Young, But We’re No Less Defeated.

“Dude, that is such a beard”

“Yeah, but I’ve been shaving it”

Mark and I were discussing his chin.

“Esteban looks like he’s from the 70’s, doesn’t he?”

I look across the classroom to Esteban.

He does.

“..What..?”

Esteban is curious.

“Nothing” both Mark and I say simultaneously.

“Hey, if it ever occurs that we have a kid, we should call it Jamaican” Josh says as he leans over to my desk.

Mark and Josh, my best friends, and escapes.

Xo.

In my room, again.

I see it all the same things, differently.

Summary of the past few weeks:

Pete asks Cayleigh out.

I go into breakdown mode.

Cayleigh breaks up with Pete.

Pete and I are just friends, unfortunately.

Cayleigh and I are still friends.

Homework overdue, due to lack of caring about anything.

And I’ve realized one thing, only I don’t know why:

My loose lips can sink ships.

chicago thighs.

Fuck. Over it.
Kay, I know there's no point in writing about this at all, cos you're never gonna read it, but I'm fucking sick of all you people who try to be so deep and think their so above everything because they're so smart and such intellectuals. They talk about things such as how people shouldn't talk unless they have something to say or that there needs to be some sort of adventure ALL THE TIME. THERE DOESN'T NEED TO BE SOMETHING HAPPENING ALL THE TIME. RELAX, YOU'LL FIND IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE AWESOME TO NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BEING A FANTASTIC INDIVIDUAL PERSON.
I mean, it'd suck if we were all the same, but don't think you're so above it all by analyzing anything and everything.
Apart from that, I'm going to Germany this year or next, which is awesome. Imma love it.

But yeah, I really wish people wouldn't try to be what they're not, or think they're gonna get respect for acting enlightened.
xx


EDIT: not who you think its about, aka Zoe, Caz or Lauren.

i really hope he hasn't got a girl.

STUCK IN BYRON BAY. Which, might I add, is a fantasticly beautiful place. I'd love it here if it weren't for the extreme feeling of isolation. I miss all the chums so much, and as beautiful as it is up here, I want you guys here with me. We should all come here one day, and tear apart caravan parks and such. I'm writing a lot more here though. Songs and crap, I mean. Maybe it inspires me. Also, I'm drinking a lot more here, so that might be behind all the writing too.

I'm off though, time to swim with the gummy sharks.
xx